Thursday, August 5, 2010

Only in the movies, revisited.

This is an old list, but maybe you haven't seen or heard it just yet. So here they are, things you only see in the movies:

When paying for a taxi, don’t look at your wallet as you take out a note. Just grab one out at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment it’s aired.

If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red digital displays so you know exactly when they are going to explode.

Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to learn to speak German. Simply speaking English with a German accent will do. Similarly, when they are alone, all German soldiers prefer to speak English to each other.

The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris. Same thing with the pyramids any time you are in Egypt. Or the Golden Gate if you happen to be in San Fran

Any police officer about to retire from the force will more often than not die on their last day (especially if their family have planned a party). (Caveat: Detectives can only solve a case after they have been suspended from duty).

On a police stake-out, the action will only ever take place when food is being consumed and scalding hot coffees are perched precariously on the dashboard

All single women have a cat. wait, this one may be true.

No matter how savagely a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged.

If being chased through a city you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick’s Day parade – at any time of the year.

The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. Nobody will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.

You will survive any battle in any war UNLESS you show someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

Prostitutes always look great. They have expensive clothes and nice apartments but no pimps. They also all have a heart of gold and would make a great wife for any cop.

One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at once (this is known as Stallone’s Law).

Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their enemies with complicated devices incorporating fuses, pulleys, deadly gases, lasers and man-eating sharks.

Anyone can land a 747 as long as there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

All teen house parties have one of every stereotypical subculture present (even people who aren’t liked and would never get invited to parties).

1 comment:

DShort said...

Nice list. You forgot my favorite (and this is widely spread thru almost every tv show and movie): Telephone/cellphone conversations just abruptly end. You're in the middle of a conversation.. then click. No goodbye, no summation, no salutation.

Hilarious.