Thursday, February 11, 2010

Power Corrupts, Powerpoint Corrupts Absolutely

When I was in training for this job, they sent a string of teachers that came to teach us a variety of subjects. Invariably, before they tried to kill us with their droning powerpoint presentations, they would ask us why we took this job.

Ninety percent of the answers would be something like, "I took this job because I wanted to help people.", which is, of course, a line of ........nonsense. If you really wanted to help people you would be a televangelist and save their souls or a social worker and find them lunch or something.

Some of the more creative cadets would come up with a little better answers whenever this question was asked.

A few tried the honesty thing and said how they wanted to chase, fight, hit, or yell at people. Or that they wanted to drive cars around really fast. That is really the reason many of these adrenaline junkie juveniles with the Peter Pan syndrome took this job. Oh, and don't forget the opportunity to pepper spray and Taser people. Who else gets to do that?

Other answers that could be heard included:

"I saw an ad about how you could get paid to work out. I called, and next thing I know, here I was."

"Do you have any idea how much this job pays. I have no education whatsoever and I start out making this much? Who wouldn't apply?".

"I have a Masters in ________ (fill in the blank with any degree you can think of). I couldn't find a job that paid this much anywhere else."

"I have a good inheritance, so I can afford to live off of what I make here. And, I always wanted to chase/ yell at/hit people/ drive cars really fast."

"I heard you can get a discount at some restaurants. Do you know which ones?"

Ok, some of these might be slight exaggerations. This job is a proud and difficult profession that is closely scrutinized everyday by the public, media and management. But the academy is a whole different world and some of these answers definitely ring true (some of which I actually heard) for some people.

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